Surreality

Friday morning I get out of bed and immediately hide in my computer.

Hubby wants to discuss, dissect, and talk. However, I have a presentation to give at 11:30 at the networking group (in front of FB? Will he show? Will he be angry? Will he ever speak to me again?)
I research and type away to create my handout.

Hubby finds solace in a Christian brother. I hear him pacing and talking on his cell phone. I hear the voice on the other end asking, "Did she cross the line?" He says, "No, no. But it's definitely a problem."

I imagine all of his men's group hearing the tale and warning him that I'm awash in sin. They tie me to the bedposts and I spew green pea soup and my head does a 360.

He comes back to me and says, "I'm coming to the networking lunch with you."

Oh fuck!! On so many levels…fuck!!

Hubby explains that his friend told him that he "needs to own this."

What, I ask, does that mean?

"It means that I need to become a part of your world. I let you drift away from me because I don't like to do all of the networking stuff that you do with the business. But in doing that, I created a separation between us that allowed last night to happen."

Wow. Christian brother knows his shit.
I have asked Hubby repeatedly to come to the weekly lunch.
To come to the conference.
To come to the networking social.
To come to the training.

It's always, "You know how I hate those things."

I have recently written Hubby a letter telling him that I want a sexy husband. That it doesn't matter what his body looks like, it's how confident he is. I listed at least ten things that we can do together that will give us an identity as a couple. A month later, none has happened.

So here we are. And now he wants in. Not sure how I feel about that.

But wait…there's more! We get to go see a therapist today!! Yippee!

He calls the one that was most recently recommended for biblically-based counseling. She's thankfully unavailable that day. He calls Jessica, whom we have seen together within the past year or so. She has her entire afternoon open. Jessica is Christian, but I know that she will not pass judgment on me. I think that maybe talking with her won't be a bad idea after all.

He goes upstairs to get dressed.

I swallow any remaining pride and hurriedly type (then delete) an email plea to Mitch and Laura asking them to be my alibi for last night. I tell them that I met FB for a drink. Nothing happened, but Hubby is pissed that I did it.

Laura's comes right back: You naughty girl! Of course I'll vouch for you. What time did I leave?
Mitch pops up a few minutes later: I'm at the beach this week. But I sure had a great time at Frank's last night! Let me know if I can help ;)

My friends ROCK! Delete, delete.

Now my only hurdles are getting through my presentation with FB and Hubby in the same room, and negotiating their meeting without public profanity or bloodshed.

Thankfully, our drive to the lunch is filled with phone conversations with corporate clients who need updates on projects. So there's no room for small talk.

We arrive on the scene early, and greet each member as they enter. Everyone is very friendly and happy to meet Hubby (which I knew they would be.) Hubby impresses me by actually remembering things I've told him about some people. He always does well in social situations. Everybody always likes him. What is his problem?

He informs me later, "I was the biggest person in the room." Who gives a fuck?

Things are going well, and I'm wondering if FB has decided to bail. I'm scribbling last minute notes on scratch paper for my talk. I look up, and he's there. My already quivering hands and fish-flopping stomach kick into overdrive. He sees and ignores me. I do the same.