Didn't see it coming

I never thought I would have an affair. 

I think some people have a lingering desire in the back of their minds, maybe even as they fly to their honeymoon, that keeps them from never saying never. Not me.

I'm a great wife.

I have a great life.

So why am I fucking another man?

One random night, a switch was flipped in my brain and my body. 'Never' skipped right over 'maybe' and went to 'hell yes'. And this is a shocker because... I have been happily married for 14 years. My kids are 10, 8, and 6. Strangers tell me what a wonderful mother I am and how smart, well-behaved, and attractive my children are. Friends, hell even my parents, come to my husband and me for advice on relationships. We, he and I, have a rock solid union that will last a lifetime.

Or so I thought.

I have fallen into every cliche there is about cheating:

"I feel so alive when I'm with him."

"He gives me what I can't get at home."

"It really doesn't hurt anybody."

It's like having a baby. People can tell you all day long what it's like, but until it happens to you, you can't imagine it. And when it does, you know exactly what they meant.

Hubby is the envy of most wives. He's sensitive, intelligent, and a Family Man. So much so that my mom lives with us. He meets with 5 other Christian men every Thursday morning at 6 a.m., as he's done for the past 4 years. He can build, fix, design anything. He earns a great living at a very stable corporate job. And he tells me he loves me every day.

Hating me yet?

He's also 5'10", 294 lbs. He snores so loudly that we haven't slept in the same bed for at least 2 years. My hands don't meet when I wrap my arms around him. I can't lie next to him on the sofa or in bed because he gets too hot and starts to sweat. When I'm on top of him in bed, my knees don't touch the mattress. It's like fucking a pommel horse. For 14 years.

How about now?

Fun Boy is what you would expect: the anti-hubby. Tight, flirtatious, and cocky (in mind and body.) I laugh when he tells me his dick is bigger than 98% of the rest of them, "and most of those are black guys." I don't really care. I just love touching his tummy and lying against him. Well, okay, the big dick is fun, too.

It's oh-so surprisingly easy to engineer. Hubby is very self-conscious about his weight, and despises social situations outside of family and close friends. I have always been extroverted and like nothing better than to meet new people, network, and party. I own and run a business, so I am out-and-about a lot drumming up new customers and making alliances with other business owners. So there's always an excuse for an evening out, and days are virtually untraceable.

FB also owns a business, and we run in the same networking circles. His name slips off my tongue effortlessly in conversations about how my day went.

The lying does suck. Somehow if I just don't have to say anything, I feel less convicted than if I have to lie to cover my tracks. Like last night. Hubby is out of town. Mom babysits. Piece of cake. Except FB wants me to bring a movie over. Hmmm...there's no DVD player at our house. We watch movies on demand. So I decide to do Red Box. But that requires a credit card. Hubby does QuickBooks for my business, so I can't use that card. He scrutinizes our personal card statements, so I can't use them. I end up opening the account with my Target VISA, which I never use. I figure I can intercept the bill when it arrives. 

How am I going to pay the bill? I still don't know. 

Do I need to open a separate checking account?

Can they send me an e-statement to a bogus email account so that it doesn't come in the mail?

Should I get a P.O. box, too?

All of this for $4 in movie rentals!

One time FB asks me to pick up dinner and some beer. I tell him I have enough cash to get the dinner, but can't get the beer because I can't put it on a card. Guess I need more monetary freedom. I NEVER carry cash. That will have to change.