Maybe it's not that crazy...
Rentals are down. I could get a 3-month lease on an apartment and furnish it with my staging furniture (did I mention that my second business is home staging?)
That would give me time to have some space. I truly believe that if I had space, I would want to come back to my husband. It would allow all of the annoyances to play backfiddle to the strengths that he has: loyalty, faith, intelligence, practicality.
I do want to want him. I don't want to be divorced and lonely. I don't want to be like my mom and live for 40 years without a man that I adore (funnily enough, she has one now at age 65!)
Sitter, Hubby, and Mom could handle kids on a daily basis. I could plan to be there after school to get in quality time. And we could do the every-other-weekend scenario.
SHIT - I can't believe I'm advocating this fucked up lifestyle! I have a friend who divorced her husband when her kids were 3, 5, and 8. I love hearing about her dating exploits, but, up until 6 weeks ago, I used to thank God above that I didn't have her life. What is wrong with me??
I just keep thinking about the freedom and how great I would feel about myself and about work. But would I feel great about myself? Or would I feel like the loser mom who abandoned her kids?
You know how most people live together before they get married? Well, this would be like trying on divorce before actually doing it. Then again, isn't that what legal separation is? A trial divorce?
And I would be gambling that I would want to come home.
What's that cheesy 70's saying? "If you love something, set it free..."
How can the thought of this apartment feel like heaven and hell simultaneously?
Damn. Just when I found your blog, I see you haven't been posting in a while. Great story to this point, and I'd love to hear where you go from here. Not sure if you've read my story yet at Fooled Around and Fell in Love, but I find myself in a similar - but different - situation.
ReplyDeleteGreat work and I have to admit, you have a very humorous way of telling your tale.
Just a word from someone of the "other side..." my husband had an affair with his best friend's wife. Our marriage had grown somewhat cold and there was resentment between us, so he found best friend's wife's advances to be intoxicating. He was happy at first, but within a short time, he was filled with turmoil and regret. I watched my husband lose 55 pounds within a short time...the light of life went out of his eyes...when he finally confessed to me, I saw how afraid he was of losing everything. The other woman still wants him and she wants me out of the picture, but he made his choice and stopped communicating with her months ago. All of this to say, I am afraid that you're only hurting yourself. I know that your husband has issues that you can't stand, but I hope that somehow you two will be able to open up with each other and find intimacy that you've never known before. After my husband's confession, we had some moments of pure hell, when I thought for sure we'd both die, but somehow, confession brought walls down and we talk for hours and hours now, sharing the deepest parts of ourselves. Sex is amazing...simultaneous orgasms about 80% of the time. Our love for each other has grown amazingly and I love seeing the light of life in his eyes again. You are lucky to have a husband that wants you...I think you'd regret losing him.
ReplyDeletei am learning so much just from what i have read so far. and i am taking to heard what 'erase-her' has said here.
ReplyDelete