Single Ideation

If you've ever taken Psych 101, (or if you've ever attended high school), you've probably heard of suicidal ideation. Basically, if you think someone is suicidal, you ask them questions to determine how serious they are about following through. If they have done things like giving away prized items, planned what they will use and where they will be, they are a lot more serious than the blubbering spoiled 14 year-old who whines about how everyone would be a lot better off without her.

The weak analogy I'm drawing here, is that I think I'm having single ideation. I've escaped to our family vacation home (don't get all snotty, it's a cottage on a river - no heliport, no domestic staff, not even central air), and after 3 glasses of champagne, I'm indulging in the fantasy of being single.

What would it look like? I would want a small, but fabulously decorated apartment in town. I'd need two bedrooms, because the kids would need one.

What? You think I'm cold because I would leave my kids with their dad?

Actually, that's an act of mercy for all concerned. Their dad would make them his world for security and sense of purpose. And my in-laws would go ape-shit if they had to go through me to see the grandkids. No, Hubby is better suited to be a single parent than I am.

Don't misunderstand me, I am a fabulous mother. I worked with kids with special needs for over 10 years before starting my own business. I gave my kids everything they needed for a successful foundation in life. And I will be their mother forever. But Hubby has no identity outside of Dad and husband. If I were to break free, I would want the space - he would crave the security.

So...this apartment...